I am strong. I am tough.

But i still wear my eyeliner.

.. and my mascara
.. and my foundation
.. and my eye bag concealer
.. and my heels
.. and i change my clothes at least 3 times before I’m good to go
.. did i mentioned that I also change my heels 3 times..
.. and my bags? (Don't even go there)

This is my life of insecurities and paranoia.

Welcome.

I may blame it on my parents for bringing me into this world as second child.
Thus, I grow up with the need and fixation to obtain approval from everyone and anyone. Of doing everything and anything.

known as middle child syndrome

Why can’t I be egomaniac first child that gets everything his heart desire?
Why can’t I be spoilt brat youngest child who gets away with every mischief done?
Why? Why?

Why I have to be the responsible one? The independent one?

Ok, not exactly independent, since I still live under my parent’s roof and has a maid that do all the cleaning, not exactly really responsible as well, since once, I use the electricity money to buy new Steve Madden 9cm open-toed-blood-red stilettos. But did I mention how fabulous it looks on my feet together with my new recently Jet Black painted toes?

The questions of the whys has been, is and will keep haunting us.

It may start in pre-shool with why is the girl next to us have better lunchbox, and we become embarrassed showing the content of ours (the early paranoia starting to develop)

Why our hair bow is not as hip and neat as that girl in the other class, and we become embarrassed to wear hair bow at all (the early rebellion starting to develop)

Why is her boyfriend cooler than mine?
Why are their grades is better than mine?
Why is her body is hotter than mine?
Why are they hang out in a better clubs?
Why is his career pays better?
Why is he get along with the boss better?
Why he got higher raise and promotion?
Why is she getting married first?

Before we know it we become paranoid. Worse case paranoid and bitter.
Worst - paranoid, bitter and alone.

We become paranoid if our life will not becoming any better.
We become paranoid if our life will not be good enough as the next person.
We become paranoid if our life will not as exciting as the next person.
The list will go on.

But why do we have to wait what will become our life?
It is already happening. So stop waiting.
We only have one life to live.

and it is already starting...

so what if your life full of tragedy instead of strawberry?
Everyone has their own tragedy.
Yes, even the heiress listed in the Forbes list.
Yes, even that girl you hate in the office.

Its only the matter how we live with our tragedy.
Do we choose to be the person who mop and sob around everybody
or do we choose to stand strong, and learn from our tragedy?

Do we victimize ourselves and looking for people's pity?
or do we held our head high while facing the reality?

Yes, live doesn't always happened as how we would like or how we planned
Yes, sometimes it gets rough and we don't know how to go on
Yes, sometimes it hurts and we don't know how to go through it
but then again, this is part of growing up and growing strong

So what if we stumble here and there,
the most important is how we stand up after our stumble
the most important is how we learn it, love it and live with it
(ok, we don't have to love it, but at least we have to learn it)

So what if our name is never mentioned in any newspaper or even company newsletter
So what if our name will never the biggest and evolutionary names in the history
the most important is who we share our story with
the most important is we have someone to share our story with
the most important is we have a story to tell
and the story how we stand tall after it all

because
We are survivor.


(this is for my best friend, CA, who stand tall after it all)