Selasa, 14 September 2010

Thou shalt not covet your neighbour's possession...

...but thou are allowed to have something better, I'd say.

"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor"

and yes, that is including other people's sleek new car, their new red hot Laboutin,or their new handsome Beaus.

Why is it we always compare to our neighbours? or anyone, really?
So what if we are still struggling to pay our holiday ticket with AirAsia, when the others spending 27 days in Scandinavia.
So what if we are still struggling to pay our shopping in Metro, when others spending something equal to our months salary at one purchase in Harvey Nichols.

To me, that is because we are human: we symphatize on others' misery, but we still don't want them to experience something better than us.

It is comforting to us, when other people screwed something up. Without being a bitch about it, in a sense that we are comforted at the thought that we are not the most fucked up. Someone somewhere is experiencing something worse.

When that someone somewhere experience something better, we suddenly lose our ground and panic.

We shouldn't panic. Cause, even since beginning, we shouldn't compare to our predecessor or successor or anyone around. We should be better than our self.

We could be better. That is for sure.
Once, a senior once said to me: Our time is not the same as the God's time.

We just have to do our best and be patient about if. And readied our self, when the time has come.

Often, we are thinking that we are running out of time, and by comparing our self to other people, we often become strayed from our original purpose, and focus our energy at all the wrong issues. Do things right. Try not. Do or Do not

Then i tell you, don't lose the big picture.
We often staring at the closed door to long, we didn't see that there is so many other windows open. And often we don't appreciate that open windows. Well then, open your eyes bigger.

Sometime, we have to taste shit, to appreciate sugar.

Senin, 30 Agustus 2010


I was totally prepared to write a very dramatically sad and disappointing story of my promotion..
The kind of story that i planned to make my readers to be in teary eyes and runny nose after reading it and feeling symphatize.
The kind of story that i planned to make my reader curse the existence of my BLOODY jerk of a boss.
The story that i planned to make my reader to hate the other girls who get more pay than me.
The story that i planned to make my reader to offer their shoulder for me to cry on and buy me the new Longchamp Victoire in Argylle colour just to see the smile on my face.....

But i couldn't find it within me to write and drown in a pathetic sappy sad story.
That is just ain't in me.

I am a survivor.
because i am a BITCH.
Babe In Total Control of HERSELF.
Ain't nothing to hold me down.
and stayed down.

After a very dramatic outburst, with very much flair of sophisticated words thrown to my manager, accompanied with various of hand gesture in the air, and surround sound voice to describe my disappointment.
But as nothing can describe my disappointment I very much sound like a middle-aged-fat-menopaused-Italian-Cook who couldn't find a fresh pot of rosemary to make his risotto. Minus the moustache.

So i did what everyone in my position did.
CURSE the hell out of my BOSS on-line while listening the song "FUCK YOU" by lily allen

Oh, did i tell you, every time he passes by, i held a scissor and a cutter abusing the paper, imagining that I'm slitting his throat instead.

OOOOh. There is so many violent ways i am thinking in my mind as to how to end his life, including giving him papercut in his eyeballs, until he bleed to death. Shredding his vein with blunt pencil, until he bleed to death.
Anything and anyway that make him.... bleed to death. slow death. and painful death.
slow painful death.

Yah, I just figured out, I don't have any sad bone in my body, but apparently i do have a violent nature. I should considered a career in creative writing.

Now i am feeling better.
So i summoned all my positive energy *trust me, not much left after yesterday*
and try to act rational. I congratulate all those who got promoted, even though half of my heart is bleeding and want to cry or scream....
I give them my sincere smile and comment on their good work.
I never thought that i have that in me. the good sense i mean
I am so proud of myself, that i almost tap my own shoulder, "good job, good job"

BTW, Did i tell you that he didn't have the guts to tell me i am not promoted. No.
We have to find out from the timesheet regarding our new status.

And what do i do to my boss after what he did?

Yes, so whenever we are face to face.
I am only giving him a dead blank stare.
and a single "fine...."

Kamis, 18 Maret 2010

When love and lust collide....

They say, they fell in love at first sight....
and I say: bullshit.

In any case, it is true that i am an utterly, irrevocably and irreversibly unromantic person. True.
But i like to see myself as an logical person.
So I ask you, how can one person fall in love just by one look?
How can you know that the person treats his mother?
Or whether he snores when he sleeps?
Or whether he has warts in his butt cheek?
Or whether he has kind heart?
Or worse, how can we know that he has no STD, by just one look?
Or worst, how can we know whether he know the difference between DKNY and BKNY?

What do you see in that one look?
Patrician nose? yes. Deep penetrating eyes? yes. Defined jawline? yes.
But does that constituting love?
Will we want to do anything for him - say, walk the fire of purgatory - just because he has that Greek God chest that seem very reliable when we want to cry on his chest?

I wanted so much to say "Yes". After all, we are talking about Greek God chest here. Have you guys seen the preview of "Clash of the Titans"? Yup. I rest my case.

I wanted to say "yes" again, due to the fact that, me and 2 of my best friends has been stalking these 3 beautiful men from our neighbour company. Especially that once, me and deedee happily chattering away in one fine afternoon, when one of our beautiful men arrived to the park with a bunch of guys. You could see that deedee lost her train of thought. What a sight. But, couldn't blame her. He is beautiful.

However, when the case is involving beautiful men, the line is very fine indeed.

Anyway since I have not yet believe that I can walk the purgatory fire for a person judging by his six pack torso, I have to say that I am still a believer of "Lust" instead of "love".

Maybe some of you have experience somewhat similar to "bigfish" movie, when Ewan McGregor meets Allison Lohman, the time stop and everything cease to exist.

But I have to say, i only experience that same feeling and wanting, which sadly equal to the scene of when Becky Bloomwood saw the sample sale in Saks Avenue.
Thus,until it is otherwise change,
I have to stick to that tingling and that torment, called ... Lust.

Rabu, 10 Maret 2010

Battle of the scales

So there is this one girl in the office - she is employed by our local and tiny sister company, but their employees like to think they are part of our group, and who am i to distinguish on every little detail - anyway, there is definitely no love lost relationship between me and this girl.

She has this high and mighty air around her, but unfortunately she does not has the look to carry that "I-am-better-than-thou" look.
Poor her.

She does try so hard to carry that uppity aura around her.
And, that look definitely not doing anything to prevent premature lines.

Often, she look at people through the corner of her eyes. I did debate with my self (the bad me and the good me), whether or not to tell her about "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". If she want to admire my see-through black top, why can't she see it directly, not through the corner of her eyes. It's like she is afraid we looking straight into her eyes. She has to show her eyes more often you know?
I do sometime still has conscious. Sometimes. OK, rarely, but I have my moments.

Her "looking from the corner of her eyes" is also disturbing for me. It freaks me out. I am not sure what she is thinking. Either she is admiring black chandelier earrings or is she scrutinizing my zit. I don't like it when I can not know what the others around me is thinking.
It is disturbing. It is unsettling. Its worrisome.
I definitely don't like her. (See, she successfully brings the paranoia in me).


So, last week, I was on my way to the toilet, and she just walking out. And, my automatic thought is "iiii....Bulet" (meaning: round). Hey, I don't want to be mean. But, sometimes, my mind has its own directions. Its like when i try to save some money, and my mind directs me to the closest Zara stores, and i just have to buy this cute new t-shirt. I am weak. Sue me.

But, its true, she does gain some extra kilos (actually she gained that extra kilos is due to she was birthing new life in the world. But fact is still fact. The fact is she gain weight. period.)

Ahh....If only the story ends there.

I did forgot something.
It's called: KARMA.

And the result was tragic.

Yesterday morning, i almost could not zip my maroon mermaid skirt. I don't like this at all. See, even indirectly she could causing me so much unhappiness.

So I do what any girl will do in my position.
I automatically scheduled for my exercises and diet plan. I plan to to wake up at 5 to do power walk every morning, join Pilates and Yoga class twice a week, Cardio exercise at every night, followed by Sit-ups before sleep.
And my diet plan? No Carbo. No Sugar. No fried stuff. No Dairy Products.

Again, it was tragic.

I came home at 6.30 in the afternoon, straight to the sofa watching E!news and enjoyed my McD chocolate sundae. Plus, I found out eating fries with the sundae is the best thing ever. From TV straight to full on dinner. Who am I to say no to grilled chicken with the full cream gravy? (Didn't I said that i was weak?).
Then at 9, I went straight to bed. What sits up?
Again, i console myself that I will do the power walk in the morning.

I woke up this morning at 7. I have to choose between power walk or flat-ironing my hair. Since you wouldn't even imagine what my real hair look like in the morning, you definitely know which option that i choose, eh?

Anyway, this is only my first day of my diet and exercise plan. Hope for a better one on the second day.

But I am definitely sceptic of the performability of this plan. After all, i enjoyed two smoked beef risoles (complete with eggs and mayo) and Deep fried filled tofu with peanut sauce in the morning. Heaven! And i found out during lunch break i could slip into smaller size (You don't expect me to disclose my size here, right?) of a Puce colored chiffon top from (X)sml anniversary sale. Double heaven! The purchase from (x)sml has been sitting sweetly in my bag. It is definitely a triple heaven!

After all, I am not the kind of person who push myself too hard.
Remember: I want ME to be happy. (Hey, I know how to prioritize, anyway I could just go to my Tarko - a beloved tailor of mine - to add extra centimeters in that mermaid skirt, noone needs to know, and I always lives on denial, anyway)

I guess wanting to have a healthy lifestyle is good.
But wanting healthy lifestyle is better when we have a better reason to do so, and better motivation too...

Whats on the lips will be forever on the hips (Dian always says). TRUE.
Buts true woman has true curves right?
So I guess few kilo in the hip, and few kilo in the waist still OK

Why should I deprived myself of the Mac&Cheese in the first place?
When Toni Braxton sing about Spanish Guitar, she never sing about Chinese Flute.

In the end, whatever makes us happy is definitely good for the soul,
and ultimately will be good for our body too.... (i hope)

Mensana Corpore Sano (they say - do i spell this right? Latin is never my forte)...

Bon Appetit!
and be happy.

Senin, 22 Februari 2010

If God is a DJ...

then life is the dancefloor,
and the things we do and the things we love are the music...

and my music come in many different colors and shapes, like the way i like it...

Jumat, 19 Februari 2010

.....this little thing called love......

They say, it comes in different sizes and shapes, colours and patterns, and sometime with melodious tune too....

There is undying love, there is part-time love, there is a crazy love (the type that you stalk your prey, until they panic and just give in)

Some sacrifice time to be with the loved one.
Some sacrifice lifetime savings to be with the cherished one.
Some sacrifice self-identity to be the person the loved one wants.
All i can see is a couple doing this. A couple doing that.

Spring is definately in the air.
So is the FLu.
I definately end up with the Flu.

Funny, as I always take care of myself better (aside from the excessive caffeine, those sleepless night, excessive "jus", constant running around in 12cm heels, etc, etc, OK,OK i should have take care of ME better)

Because in my case, i love... ME.

Yes, yes, I can imagine my friends already start rolling their eyes upwards and say PUH-leez, even recently i receive a comment from someone I don't know, that I'm being a narcisstic, so i would like to clarify and confrim, i repeat, i would like to clarify, that in fact.. YES, I AM (narcisstic)

But I AM and I DO. Sometime I love ME so much I want to hug myself. I want ME to be happy. I want ME to have the better shoes. I want ME to have a better clothing. I want me to have a 500-counted egyptian cotton bed sheet. I want ME to feel better. I want ME to be Happy.

Once, a Tarot Card reader said that it is not healthy for me to love myself too much. And apparently, my friends that present at that time, readily agreed to what he said, given their silent nod, repetedly keep nodding and nodding, I should get offended, hei?

But then again, Why can't I love myself?
If I, myself, can't even love ME, how can I let someone else love ME?
Or worse, if I can't even love ME, how can I even love anybody else?

Shouldn't a person be able to stand in front of the mirror, and said:
I am lucky to be me, and I love being me.
(except, there are mornings, that, I did wish for a porelss skin, and a silky long hair sometimes, but one or two little wish still OK, right?)

If a person stand up in front of the mirror, and does not even love what he/she sees in the mirror....

How can he/she start his/her morning with a smile?
How can he/she doing the daily chores and works with joy?
How can he/she fill his/her heart with love?

If a person does not love oneself, does he/she not often doubt what other people see in him/herself?

If a person doubt what other people sees in him/herself, how can he/she not live in fear and insecurity?

If a person start to live in fear and insecurity, how could one be truly happy and make others happy?

If a person could not be truly happy and make others happy, how could one stare their own reflection in the mirror?

If a person does not like the reflection staring back from the mirror, how can he/she wish someone else to love his/her reflection in real life?

To love is a good thing,
To be loved is a greatest thing,

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away,
And, to love and be loved in return, is.... Breathtaking.

Don't we all want to love and be love in return?

Everything you need to make you happy in this world is inside you...

so I say...
Love yourself....
Take care of yourself.....

Flu is in the air......

They say....Comparison robs you of contentment

I say.... Contentment is sooo overrated anyway.

Emerson once said, Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

I am sooo totally agree with that.

Serene and high spirit. My two best friend.

Until something happened. Yesterday.

Instead of my normal 2 hours spent in front of mirror, perfecting my ensamble (it is always perfect, mind you...... except yesterday. Truly.) I decided to do casual. Who am I kidding? I am not the person who can carry off a CASUAL, and still look chic and stylish. Uh-Uh.

Whoever is channeling CASUAL and still look hot and hip, is definitely spent more than 2 hours. or she is a BIG FAT LIAR. ..... or unless, CASUAL, and look like a total crap (that i believe).
It happened to me. Yesterday. (look like crap, I mean)

So this happened when.....

I was CASUALLy lounging at the lobby of my office building, with my CASUAL FLAT shoes and CASUAL black cardigan, waiting for the rain to stop (i usually love rainy day, its my favourite season, except yesterday). I was CASUALLy checking on my blackberry (it wasn't even beeping, it only look cool if i looked busy). And, I was CASUALly flipping my hair (Btw, even my hair doing a CASUAL look yesterday, it look FLAT. CASUAL FLAT). And, i was CASUALLy laughing at something my friends said that i think was funny (It was funny, OK?! How desperate do you think i am to just laugh on anything? Do you think I'm desperate to attract attention? And, believe me, I'm not just being polite. I'm not even a polite person. C'mon give me more credit, will ya?)


The most beautiful man in my life (I have the tendency to over-dramatize things, but i swear, he IS beautiful, not even the word handsome is suffice to describe the beauty of him)...... passed by.

I tell you, all serene and high spirit were out of the door. Enter: blunders and absurdities.

I was gawking. Literally GAWKING. and yes, open mouthed gawk.

He did this little cute smile and checking his blackberry (I know for sure, it wasn't beeping either. So he try to look cool too, eh?) - I would like to think that he throw that c'mon-baby-little smile to my direction. But then i remember something. Not something. But everything.....

MY FLAT Laugh. .... i mean My CASUAL Laugh, My CASUAL hair, My CASUAL attire, My CASUAL sitting (yes, i wasn't even sitting elegantly, that shows off my long leg)........ and MY FLAT MAKEUP (smudge and all)

The next thing i did was, aside being insecure and paranoia starts to crept in (well i suppose to smile back at him, but did i do that? NOOO......... *chicken*) checking my surrounding, is there any girl pulling those cheap short skirt stunt (Oops, it was me who wear the short skirt). Is there any poreless bitch throwing trashy smile? Is there a skank try to do Do-It-To-ME-Baby-smile to MY beautiful man? (yes, he is MY beautiful man)

Is he looking at another girl? is he smiling to another girl? is he interested in a particular girl? Is he going home with this particular girl? Is he sleeping with that bitch?


Suddenly its highschool again. Who got a better car from daddy. Who got to go holiday with mommy more often. Who got to date the basketball captain. Who dare to wear the micro miniskirt first. Who wear the highest stilettos first.

Sadly to say, ladies, we have not evolved too far from our teenage year (those years when we still have braces, raging back-ne and raging hormone). At least I have not evolve too far from my teenage years.

Our toys might be evolving, but game is still the same. And the game is always ON.

And if we took a step back a bit, who to say that the game has to be OFF, to get our contentment? Is it only one way to get contentment? by NOT COMPARING? (its one way, sure, but is it the only way?) . Don't we all got that GLOW of happiness and RADIANCE of gladness, all the same, when we turn left and right, and turn out we wear the better T-bar Choco Snakeskin stilletos? Don't we get the same bubble of Joy and Giddiness? The same joy and giddiness that drive you to be a better woman? (OK, Choco Stilettos, does not make you a better woman, but it always start with better presentation, isn't it? Baby steps...)

So, whats the deal?

Is contentment is really enough to make one happy? Or do we still need that Joy and Giddiness? Can you really enjoy contentment and really being happy by wearing an I've-seen-a-better-day jumpsuit and faux Crocs, compare to the satisfaction of wearing the latest stilettos and spring collection of Tracy Reese's dresses? Don't you think so?

Isn't life comprises of moments. moment of satisfaction. gladness. and happiness.

Except, moments like ... Yesterday.