They say....Comparison robs you of contentment

I say.... Contentment is sooo overrated anyway.


Emerson once said, Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

I am sooo totally agree with that.


Serene and high spirit. My two best friend.


Until something happened. Yesterday.


Instead of my normal 2 hours spent in front of mirror, perfecting my ensamble (it is always perfect, mind you...... except yesterday. Truly.) I decided to do casual. Who am I kidding? I am not the person who can carry off a CASUAL, and still look chic and stylish. Uh-Uh.

Whoever is channeling CASUAL and still look hot and hip, is definitely spent more than 2 hours. or she is a BIG FAT LIAR. ..... or unless, CASUAL, and look like a total crap (that i believe).
It happened to me. Yesterday. (look like crap, I mean)

So this happened when.....

I was CASUALLy lounging at the lobby of my office building, with my CASUAL FLAT shoes and CASUAL black cardigan, waiting for the rain to stop (i usually love rainy day, its my favourite season, except yesterday). I was CASUALLy checking on my blackberry (it wasn't even beeping, it only look cool if i looked busy). And, I was CASUALly flipping my hair (Btw, even my hair doing a CASUAL look yesterday, it look FLAT. CASUAL FLAT). And, i was CASUALLy laughing at something my friends said that i think was funny (It was funny, OK?! How desperate do you think i am to just laugh on anything? Do you think I'm desperate to attract attention? And, believe me, I'm not just being polite. I'm not even a polite person. C'mon give me more credit, will ya?)

Anyway...

The most beautiful man in my life (I have the tendency to over-dramatize things, but i swear, he IS beautiful, not even the word handsome is suffice to describe the beauty of him)...... passed by.

I tell you, all serene and high spirit were out of the door. Enter: blunders and absurdities.

I was gawking. Literally GAWKING. and yes, open mouthed gawk.

He did this little cute smile and checking his blackberry (I know for sure, it wasn't beeping either. So he try to look cool too, eh?) - I would like to think that he throw that c'mon-baby-little smile to my direction. But then i remember something. Not something. But everything.....

MY FLAT Laugh. .... i mean My CASUAL Laugh, My CASUAL hair, My CASUAL attire, My CASUAL sitting (yes, i wasn't even sitting elegantly, that shows off my long leg)........ and MY FLAT MAKEUP (smudge and all)

The next thing i did was, aside being insecure and paranoia starts to crept in (well i suppose to smile back at him, but did i do that? NOOO......... *chicken*) checking my surrounding, is there any girl pulling those cheap short skirt stunt (Oops, it was me who wear the short skirt). Is there any poreless bitch throwing trashy smile? Is there a skank try to do Do-It-To-ME-Baby-smile to MY beautiful man? (yes, he is MY beautiful man)

Is he looking at another girl? is he smiling to another girl? is he interested in a particular girl? Is he going home with this particular girl? Is he sleeping with that bitch?

Whoa.

Suddenly its highschool again. Who got a better car from daddy. Who got to go holiday with mommy more often. Who got to date the basketball captain. Who dare to wear the micro miniskirt first. Who wear the highest stilettos first.

Sadly to say, ladies, we have not evolved too far from our teenage year (those years when we still have braces, raging back-ne and raging hormone). At least I have not evolve too far from my teenage years.

Our toys might be evolving, but game is still the same. And the game is always ON.

And if we took a step back a bit, who to say that the game has to be OFF, to get our contentment? Is it only one way to get contentment? by NOT COMPARING? (its one way, sure, but is it the only way?) . Don't we all got that GLOW of happiness and RADIANCE of gladness, all the same, when we turn left and right, and turn out we wear the better T-bar Choco Snakeskin stilletos? Don't we get the same bubble of Joy and Giddiness? The same joy and giddiness that drive you to be a better woman? (OK, Choco Stilettos, does not make you a better woman, but it always start with better presentation, isn't it? Baby steps...)

So, whats the deal?

Is contentment is really enough to make one happy? Or do we still need that Joy and Giddiness? Can you really enjoy contentment and really being happy by wearing an I've-seen-a-better-day jumpsuit and faux Crocs, compare to the satisfaction of wearing the latest stilettos and spring collection of Tracy Reese's dresses? Don't you think so?

Isn't life comprises of moments. moment of satisfaction. gladness. and happiness.

Except, moments like ... Yesterday.